How to Practice Empathy on a First Date

4 mins read. Written by Judith Louis.

How to Practice Empathy on a First Date

We’ve all heard the word empathy at least once in our lives but what does it actually mean?

At the heart of it, empathy is the ability to understand and comprehend the feelings of another by feeling it ourselves on some level.

The British-born psychologist, Edward Titchener, coined the term “empathy” to describe our capacity as people to be in tune with another's emotions. He used the term to explain how we are able to understand one another through mirroring and shared experiences.

Empathy is vital when forming a bond or connection with someone. Without empathy, we would not be able to understand where someone is coming from and react appropriately.

This is why the more empathetic a person is, the more helpful their behavior.

So how should we practice empathy on a first date?

1. Give your date genuine attention

When your date is speaking with you about something substantial, it’s important to maintain eye contact and give your full focus. That means trying not to get distracted by the pings on your phone or the waiters swooshing by.

Although it’s a small act of respect, having someone’s full focus on you can be incredibly comforting.

It is nice to know that someone is making the effort to listen to what you have to say.

2. Put yourself in their shoes

The rule of thumb when it comes to practicing empathy is to put yourself in the shoes of the person whom you’re speaking to. By doing this you’re able to see a point-of-view outside your own and might even be able to imagine what they’re going through more accurately. This gives you a clearer picture to direct your advice or comfort.

3. Make yourself vulnerable too

Always remember that communication is a two-way street. It’s great to feel heard but it’s even better to have a conversation.

Often someone who’s being vulnerable with you also wants to hear about your experiences. Empathy is more than being able to just reflect someone else’s thoughts, it’s also about how those thoughts factor into your experiences.

In research carried out by Jay Van Bavel, PhD, an associate professor of psychology and neural science, it was found that finding a common ground or shared experience with someone can promote empathy.

This can only be done if you’re willing to share with your date as they are sharing with you.

4. Don’t try to fix their emotions, communicate with them instead

When listening to someone speak about a negative experience your first instinct may be to “cheer them up” but sometimes this can make you seem unempathetic.

Instead of approaching the situation with trying to fix their feeling, it may be better to communicate with them, ask them questions, and delve deeper into their feelings.

It’s best to wait for them to communicate with you everything they’ve been feeling before trying to make them feel better.

5. Encourage them to share

Something small but powerful you can do to be more empathetic on a date is to encourage them to share by asking questions.

You can ask them a range of questions from how they felt about a situation to what they would have done/felt if it had turned out differently.

Asking questions not only shows that you’re focused on what your date is saying but also shows immense interest in what they have to say.

6. Acknowledge their feelings

Many don’t realize how meaningful the simple phrase “I understand” can be to someone who is sharing more about themselves. Even if it’s something simple, being told that someone other than yourself understands why you feel the way you do can be very reassuring.

If you were to do this to your date, they would feel understood and less alone which can show your consideration towards them.

At the end of the day, the best way to show empathy is just to try and understand where your partner is coming from and respond to their genuineness with authenticity. Nobody wants templated responses. They just want to know that you genuinely care about how they feel.