‘How to not die alone’: The Romanticiser's Guide to Lasting Love

The quest for a long-term, fulfilling relationship often becomes an uphill battle, and people are left wondering why they continue to face roadblocks in their pursuit of love. As we navigate the intricate landscape of romance, we often find ourselves following distinct tendencies that shape our approach to love, and recognizing these inclinations is the first step toward meaningful connections.

One individual who has dissected the nuances of contemporary romance is the behavioral scientist turned dating coach, Logan Ury. As the author of “How To Not Die Alone" and currently the director of relationships at Hinge, Ury unveiled that individuals typically possess dating blind spots, hindering them from achieving a lasting and meaningful connection. These blind spots manifest as three distinct tendencies: the maximizer, the hesitator, and the romanticiser. Each tendency reflects a unique approach to dating, with its own set of challenges and opportunities. Not sure which one you are? Find out if you are a maximiser, hesitator, or romanticiser!

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Who is the romanticiser?

Downfall of the romanticiser

Tips for romanticisers

The Romanticiser

The Romanticiser, guided by a heart full of dreams and a penchant for grand gestures, views love through an idealistic lens. This dating tendency is characterized by a deep desire for fairy-tale romance, intense passion, and a belief in the transformative power of love. Driven by the pursuit of a connection that transcends the ordinary, Romanticisers often find joy in the poetic nuances of relationships.

The Romanticiser ardently cherishes the concept of love. They are firm believers in the existence of a soulmate, convinced that somewhere out there is the one person uniquely meant for them. In the eyes of the Romanticiser, discovering this soulmate should effortlessly pave the way for a smooth and harmonious journey through the realms of dating and love.

This idealistic viewpoint, however, becomes a potential stumbling block for the Romanticiser.

Their intense focus on the notion that a relationship should feel effortless and seamless can lead to a rather black-and-white perspective. If the relationship encounters challenges or difficulties, the Romanticiser is quick to interpret this as a sign that they might not be with the right person. Consequently, they may prematurely give up on the relationship, thinking that the ease of love should prevail from the outset. Romanticiser’s tendency to idealize romance inadvertently leads to unrealistic expectations and a distorted perception of potential partners.

Logan Ury, shedding light on this aspect, underscores the cultural emphasis on the “how we met" story in relationships. The Romanticiser, according to Ury, places disproportionate importance on the circumstances of how the couple first encountered each other. Ury challenges this perspective by asserting that the “how we met" story is just a minuscule fraction—merely 0.0001 per cent—of the entire duration of the relationship.

Ury's insight encourages the Romanticiser to shift their focus from the initial fairy-tale moments to the broader landscape of the relationship's evolution. She suggests that the real substance of a relationship lies beyond the romanticized beginnings, emphasizing that the enduring strength and quality of the connection are built over time through shared experiences, mutual growth, and the ability to navigate challenges together.

For Romanticisers who find themselves drawn to the enchanting allure of idealized love, it's essential to balance their romantic inclinations with a dose of practicality and self-awareness. Here are some tips to help Romanticisers navigate the complexities of modern dating and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships:

Tips for Romanticisers in Dating:

1. Self-awareness: Begin by acknowledging your tendency to romanticize. Understand that relationships, while beautiful, are not flawless fairy tales.

2. Set realistic expectations: Embrace the imperfections and complexities of human connections. Allow relationships to unfold naturally without forcing them into a predetermined narrative.

3. Focus on the Journey, Not Just the Destination: Shift focus from the fairy-tale beginning to appreciating the entire relationship journey. Understand that the initial excitement is just the starting point and appreciate the growth of a relationship over time

4. Communicate openly: Foster open communication with your partner. Express your needs and concerns, and encourage them to do the same. This transparency builds a foundation of trust.

5. Embrace vulnerability: Recognize that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Be open to sharing your true self with your partner and allow them to do the same.

In essence, the Romanticiser is urged to embrace the reality that relationships are dynamic and multifaceted. True connection transcends the idealized narratives, requiring effort, communication, and a willingness to confront the inevitable complexities that arise. By acknowledging that the journey of love involves both highs and lows, the Romanticiser can cultivate a more realistic and resilient approach to building lasting connections.