The Foundations of Any Successful Relationship

5 mins read. Written by Judith Louis.

The Foundations of Any Successful Relationship

What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you hear the phrase “successful relationship?”

Do you think of a couple who have grown together? Or do you think of a pair of friends who have stood by one another?

Whenever we think of a successful relationship our minds often go to an image of what looks like one but we never think about what really goes into one.

We often forget that relationships — romantic or otherwise — take effort to build and don’t appear out of thin air. Although no two relationships will look alike, they do share similarities in the foundation they were built on. And they all seem to provide similar growths to the individuals in them.

So what are these foundations that make up any relationship?

1. You may be part of a team, but you’re an individual first

What we mean by this is although you work together as a team (the relationship) you don’t lose out on what makes you an individual. You shouldn’t feel pressured to act or be a certain way for someone to care about you.

Healthy relationships are built on mutual authenticity and respect.

Although compromise is a natural and integral part of any relationship, you shouldn't feel as if you no longer have an identity outside your relationship.

Good relationships nurture the growth of the individuals within them. It should not feel stifling or restrictive to be in a relationship. It should instead feel like you’re discovering the word alongside someone.

2. As Aretha said: R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Respect is one of the biggest foundation blocks of any healthy relationship. You can’t have a relationship where ego and power cloud your bond. This is why respect is an important aspect not to be forgotten.

What does respect in a healthy relationship look like you may ask?

• Talking openly and honestly with one another

• Giving each other the space to grow or if needed

• Supporting one another to grow and achieve what they want

• Encouraging them to explore themselves, hobbies, and various interests

• Keeping in mind and honoring each other's boundaries

• Compromising

• Valuing one another

3. Authenticity

At Kopi Date we highly encourage our members to be authentic on their Kopi Dates and this is exactly why.

No healthy relationship or friendship can be based on one not being true to themselves and the other not really knowing them.

Imagine this. Think of your closest friend, the one you can’t live without. The one who you imagine will be by your side during the big moments in your life.

Now imagine if they weren’t who they said they were. They were completely different and they were hiding who they were from you.

Beyond the feelings of betrayal would you not feel shattered by the thought that someone who was a close friend is now a stranger? This is why authenticity is an important building block because bonds are created when you truly know someone and someone knows you.

4. An Unconditional Love

In any relationship, the bond and love you share should come without conditions.

This means that they shouldn’t have to fit your box for you to love them and they are free to be imperfect — as humans are.

Of course, this aspect of healthy relationships doesn't appear overnight. Unconditional love is grown through experience and time.

Furthermore, if your love does come with conditions and you are unable to love someone the same way you used to, it doesn't mean you are evil or you were never in love. It just means that they may no longer be the person for you.

However, it is nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship without unconditional love.

5. Changes With The Times

In 1999 there was a technology scare where people were unsure of whether computers would be able to distinguish between the 1900s and 2000s as computers at the time recorded years by the last two digits.

This scare was known as the “Millenium Bug” or the “Y2K Bug” and was said to cause the breakdown of many major infrastructures. Now, most have a computer in their homes, and instead of fearing it we heavily rely on it.

Just like this, the world changes every day. Whether it’s 22 years in the past or 24 hours, our lives look very different when we look back on our past. This is why relationships have to be able to adapt to their surroundings to be healthy.

Because disparities in the willingness to adapt may cause issues when it comes to power dynamics within the relationship.

6. Equal partners

In any relationship, you should be an equal alongside your partners. Someone having too much power in a relationship can have detrimental risks to the relationship and to your mental health.

Traditionally — especially in South East Asian Societies like our own — men hold the power in relationships.

Whether within a family or a marriage the dynamics favor patriarchal traditions. However, things have changed in the 21st century.

More people are realising the importance of having equal partnerships in relationships and marriages especially.

Sharing responsibilities and bearing the burden together not only strengthens bonds but protects them as well.

Equality is a foundation of any healthy relationship because you can’t have a relationship where one is ruling over the other.

Here are some of the elements that make up any healthy relationship. Ultimately to grow a healthy relationship one must be open to nurturing these foundations and working on them.

This is why on Kopi Dates we try to encourage our members to openly speak to one another and connect on a deeper level. We even provide booklets in the form of Experience Kits to further aid our members in getting to know one another!

We crafted the Kopi Date concept and model to be one that allows for people to genuinely build a relationship — romantic or friendship or otherwise — in an age where genuineness seems lost.

Don’t settle anything less than a healthy connection at Kopi Date.