MEMBER SPOTLIGHT
Success Stories:
Beyond The Connections
At Kopi Date, our vision of success transcends the traditional milestone of finding “the one”.
We believe that true success in dating encompasses both the discovery of a fulfilling relationship and the journey of personal growth that comes along with it. This series shines a light on members who embody our ethos of growth-minded dating.
A Consulting Strategy to Crafting Connections
J.T.
Consultant
In the world of high-stakes consulting, J.T. is familiar with the art of strategy and problem-solving. After years of living and working abroad, he brings back international experience and a unique perspective on growth and adaptability in the Singaporean dating scene with Kopi Date.
From Consulting to Connecting
Growing up in Singapore, J.T. completed his National Service before venturing abroad to pursue his higher education. He graduated with a degree in Philosophy, Politics, and Economics, a choice that paved the way for his career in consulting. He was drawn to the consulting field due to the opportunity to address complex challenges. In fact, J.T. particularly enjoyed it because it has enabled him to provide real solutions that affect not just shareholders, but individuals and beneficiaries directly.
“We each have our own baggage. It is tough to adapt, but it can be quite a beautiful thing to work on [a long-term relationship] with someone.”
J.T. spent several years in the UK working before returning to Singapore, a shift that exposed him to the contrasting dating cultures of both regions. “The UK was more liberal, Singapore more conservative, but it doesn’t shape what I expect in a relationship," J.T. explains. This transition also marked the end of a significant relationship, propelling him to explore new opportunities for connection through Kopi Date, a platform he knew through word of mouth. On the get go, he opted for the 12 Credit membership.
The Kopi Date Experience
J.T. approaches each date like anyone meeting a stranger would - with a blend of excitement and a dash of nerves. He admits to feeling slightly more nervous due to the unknown factors—how the person will sound, look, or behave in person. Unlike traditional dating or meeting someone through mutual friends, the Kopi Date experience strips away preconceived notions formed by physical or social cues. He recognizes that the absence of these initial judgments adds a layer of mystery and intrigue but also a degree of anxiety. He had a rather useful mindset he shared with us: he reminds
“Deciding whether to go on a second date doesn't come down to a simple checklist.”
himself that the person he is meeting is likely experiencing similar feelings of uncertainty, which brings a sense of shared vulnerability to the experience. While the nerves are present, there’s also a sense of excitement from the possibility of connecting with someone new, of potentially discovering shared interests or unexpected compatibilities. He described the experience akin to meeting a stranger in a cafe or bar, which naturally encouraged him to adopt an inquisitive and friendly mindset. “It's about setting the stage for comfort and curiosity," he says.
To J.T. success in dating is, of course, progressing into the next stage in the relationship. However, he recognises there’s more to it than the direct outcome. It's about the process of making new connections and learning about oneself and others. For J.T., deciding whether to go on a second date doesn't come down to a simple checklist. Rather, it involves a holistic view of the person based not just on surface-level impressions but on a deeper, more meaningful connection. Do they make you feel “seen” and “heard”?
Upon joining, part of him admits to having developed a skepticism about whether such relationships can truly withstand the tests of time and difference. He candidly shares that he has faced challenges and doubts about the longevity and success of long-term relationships, particularly influenced by his experiences and observations of others around him. Recognizing that everyone comes with their own set of emotional baggage, J.T. emphasizes the importance of navigating these challenges thoughtfully.
“Commonalities definitely come in very handy, but the humility to listen and communicate kindly is crucial.”
When asked whether having commonalities or communication skills is more crucial for forming a connection, J.T. acknowledges the value of both. Common interests can serve as an initial bridge between two people, making it easier to spark conversations. However, the quality of communication is what truly sustains a connection. If one party frequently uses their phone during a date or fails to engage actively in the conversation, it can hinder the development of a deeper relationship. Transparency and openness are paramount for J.T.
J.T.’s Advice
With each interaction. J.T. found himself reflecting inwardly and over his journey, J.T., acknowledging his romantic nature, has learned the importance of taking time to truly understand a partner's values and nature before committing too quickly out of infatuation. “I’ve become older and wiser,” he laughed. He shares that he started asking hypothetical questions like ‘two truths and a lie' to better gauge their personality through hearing the stories they choose to share - questions that the experience kit helped bring forth.
For current members and those considering joining Kopi Date, J.T. has some advice. The first thing is to stay excited and optimistic. Like J.T., jadedness may creep in from past experiences, but maintaining a positive outlook can transform the dating process. Secondly, focus on the date and respect each other. Give full attention to the person you are meeting. Lean into the culture of respect and curiosity. Finally, if you see yourself as someone who is different and thoughtful, J.T. anticipates that you'll likely enjoy the experience, so perhaps give it a try.
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