5 min read

Life-Changing Hacks to be a Dazzling Conversationalist

That awkward silence. We have all been there. Maybe it is when you meet someone new. On a Kopi Date even. Have you ever felt afraid that you would run out of things to say? That you would let the conversation drop, even though you really wanted to get to know this person.

Here are 10 tips for turning any important conversation into an authentic exchange with friends, loved ones, or a new Kopi Date. It’s time to go from awkward to easier.

1. Be genuinely curious

Who is this person? What is on their mind? What do they enjoy doing? What motivates them in life? These are the questions to have for every single person you meet.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” ― Albert Einstein

Why not find some curiosity around what you might discover when you stop thinking about your shortcomings and start looking at the conversation as an exploration? The conversation is not quarantined; you can go anywhere you wish — if you give yourself the freedom to do so.

2. Consider the context

The venue, menu, weather can all be considered to get the conversation rolling! Create a context that invites different viewpoints — and never, “What’s your viewpoint on how awesome I am?” A conversation is a place for sharing ideas and perspectives.

3. Look out for surprises!

What is the one thing about you that may surprise someone 🤩 you are meeting for the first time? “There’s one thing you may not know about me” can be an exciting point of entry into a conversation when the moment is right.

4. Converse, not argue

A conversation should be an avenue where opinions are aired, not a battleground to pit one’s stance against another💬. Chat, discuss, and trash out ideas, but do so amiably. There is no need to have a conclusion or agreement point in every discussion; if convergence has to be met for every discussion point, the conversation becomes very draining. Allow things to be left open if a common point cannot be achieved.

“Everyone has their own ways of expression. I believe we all have a lot to say, but finding ways to say it is more than half the battle.” ― Criss Jami, Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile

5. Back off the bad juju

Conversational red flags do exist. For example, starting the conversation with religion and politics creates divisive sides compared to camaraderie. Trash talking to other individuals as well is not a good idea.

Going back to number one, get curious: What inspires the person you are talking to? What is it that matters most? Is it religion? Political views? Maybe! So here is how to go there: Curiosity, not confrontation, is the key to digging into the deep stuff. Make sure you are not expressing your views as a boundary or a way to exclude someone who doesn’t share them.

A new conversation is like a parachute🪂: it does not really work if it is not open!

6. A 50-50 sharing

Conversational mooching is often a dealbreaker for many. When we share something, we want someone else to share something. We want them to answer and ask us back when we ask a question. It does not have to be tit for tat, but we are coded to look for and be treated with equality. So be sure you are not a moocher and give back as much as you get.

7. It’s all in the eyebrows

The eyebrow raise🤨. Across cultures, the eyebrow raise is what we do when we hear or see something interesting. When you see someone do it in conversation, it often means you have said something engaging or brought up a topic that piques their curiosity. The eyebrow raise is the physical indicator of a spark. It clues you into an issue that they might like discussing.

8. Embrace both differences and commonalities

Each person is different with their own fascinating stories. But there are more similarities than we expect between individuals. Embrace both. Differences make us unique, and similarities make us bond as individuals.

Be true to yourself and agree to disagree if there are clashes in ideas. As you talk to the other person, look for commonalities between you and them. Once you find a common link, build on that.

9. Listen

As important as it is to keep the conversation going, it is also as important, if not more important, to listen. Active listening👂🏻. Active listening starts with a conscious effort to focus on what the other person says in a conversation. That means actually following what the other person has to say rather than queuing up what you want to say next and waiting for the chance to speak. Intentionally listen to the person before responding. Then make sure to add to the conversation rather than just repeating or rephrasing what the other person has already said.

“A friend asks, “Tell me one word which is significant in any kinds of relationship.” Another friend says, “LISTEN!”
― Santosh Kalwar, Adventus

10. Creating a safe space

A conversation, like a marriage, is not a place where one person wins. For it to work, both parties have to win — by creating a shared experience. Opening up the conversation often means starting with yourself. What are the things you value most, and how do you see those values showing up in your life? Collaboration, not competition, creates a safe space where everyone wins.

Remember, you are exciting and respectful! You have lots of great things to say and are ready to listen. So, bring your best self to the conversation, and your Kopi Date partner will definitely find you dazzling✨.