5 Ways to Greater Self-Acceptance

6 mins read. Written by Chloe Chew.

5 Ways to Greater Self-Acceptance

Find yourself trapped in envy and self-hatred?

Are you someone who loathes your chubby face? Loathes your stretch marks? Loathes your tummy rolls? And possibly everything about yourself?

No matter how strong of a front you put up in front of others, at some point in time, everyone feels insecure about themselves. And unfortunately, our society is sharp in identifying your weaknesses no matter how hard you try to hide them.

Often times, you might catch yourself feeling envious of others when you compare yourself to them. Success. Beauty. Wealth. You might feel terrible about yourself, vulnerable or even inferior, after that comparison. Even when you hit the bed at night, you are suffering from sleepless nights as you are thinking about other people’s success.

You may question yourself what went wrong, how can I be as successful as others. But only to find yourself dwelling in this misery.

Let’s admit — there is no point in comparison. Even when the miserable feeling dissipates, and a subject of envy comes along, the awful feeling returns.

Self-acceptance & Positive thinking

The only (and best) solution is… self-acceptance!

What is self-acceptance? It is exactly what its name suggests: the state of complete acceptance of oneself.

Positive psychology is the way to go! And… what is Positive Psychology?

Positive psychology highlights meaning and deep satisfaction, not just on fleeting happiness. Some of the pointers below will touch on this field of psychology. Read on to find out more!

The secret to becoming a better version of yourself

1. Be kind to yourself

Kindness can change the way we perceive and treat ourselves. According to research, kindness (in general) can change your brain for the better. Being kind boosts serotonin and dopamine and these neurotransmitters give you feelings of satisfaction and well-being, and they are crucial in lighting up your reward system in your brain.

We first have to acknowledge we are NOT PERFECT… and that’s perfectly fine! No one is perfect. As perfect as someone’s life seems, that may not be the reality.

You might be envious of someone’s relationship, but you never know if they are yelling at each other on the phone at 3am. It is ok not to be perfect.

Change is difficult and I’m sure you have noticed that. You first need to adopt a mindset of change. Next, devise a plan on how to solve the issue. Now, you will find yourself in a better place.

There are bad and good days.

You might be feeling miserable because your boss yelled at you for screwing up a $2million project. Yes, you have the very right to feel terribly upset at yourself. But what can you do? Everything has been set in stone.

The only thing you can do for now is to reflect and work on yourself so the same mistake doesn’t repeat. Give yourself some time to breathe. It’s ok to cry under your blanket at night.

But when you wake up the next day, focus on how you could work on yourself. Note: Be gentle with yourself.

If you are feeling vulnerable, take your time to process your feelings, and speak to someone. It’s alright to feel all sorts of emotions. Upon reflection, pen down your feelings and your plan on how to tackle these issues.

4. Remove gaslighters

What is gaslighting?

The term ‘gaslighting’ refers to the act of undermining another person’s reality by denying facts, the environment around them, or even their feelings. Targets of gaslighting are manipulated into turning against their cognition, their emotions, and who they fundamentally are as people.

This controlling and manipulative technique serves to undermine the victim’s confidence and to cause self-doubt, whether he or she remembered a fact wrongly when in reality, the accuser will introduce lies. The accusers can wear the victim down emotionally, and doubt their own self whether the event happened in that way and establish confusion of reality.

Gaslighting is psychologically damaging. No doubt.

And… why do people do that?

There are many reasons for such a toxic behavior. Gaslighting is a cognitive strategy for people to self-regulate. They may also have encountered it before and use it on other people.

How to get out of that?

The only solution is to sever ties! It might sound extremely cruel to sever ties with someone who does that to you, but it’s the best way out. You simply need to eliminate gaslighters in your life. The world is complicated enough and we don’t need people to continue disrupting our lives and most importantly, we don’t need people who bring us down.

What if you can’t simply cut off ties? Then… distance yourself away!

And what if you can’t distance yourself from them because they are your colleagues or family members? Below are some ways you can react to someone if they attempt to gaslight you:

1. “I know what I’ve experienced and you cannot convince me otherwise.”

2. “I’ve heard your view many times and I still don’t agree with it.”

3. “The way I feel is not debatable. Don’t try to doubt it.”

5. Surround yourself with positive people

We all need supportive friends (or for some, that one friend) who will not only bring out the best version of yourself, but they can also make you feel loved and embrace yourself (your flaws too). They accept you for who you are.

If you are an introvert…

Try connecting with people in some way or another. That could be as simple as joining your local community group, or picking up a hobby and making friends from there. If you love sports, step out of your comfort zone and make friends in a sports club you are working out at!

You might encounter someone who is really positive and a good fit to be your friend. They can accept you for who you are and most importantly, you feel accepted as a friend. They embrace your goodness and at the same time, accept your flaws!